Abuse: The Different Types and How We May End Up Ignoring It
- No Silence Just Action
- Jan 20, 2023
- 10 min read
We talk about abuse as a general topic but have we bothered to recognize the types of abuse that person may experience? I started this page on Instagram, and eventually expanded it into a Blog and Twitter page, to give those who are victims of abuse a voice they need without exposing themselves to trolls and haters. But, have we really understood the various types of abuse that exist? I'm going to go ahead and explain the multiple types of abuse and how we may end up ignoring it because of our own reasons.
Physical abuse is when harm is caused externally, to your body. There are multiple types of physical abuse that exist. There's regular physical abuse where a person is harmed physically by punching, cutting, hitting or any other form of external force. Some examples of physical abuse are when you get jumped, mugged, or get physically attacked by another person who uses their limbs, objects, and weapons.
Sexual abuse is when a person tries to get forcefully sexually intimate with another person without their consent. Sexual abuse is not just physical abuse, but it is also mental abuse because of the trauma and violation that occurs due to feeling physically violated. Sexual abuse has its own subtypes, as does physical abuse. The prime example of sexual abuse is rape. While sexual abuse more commonly occurs to women by men, we also cannot ignore the fact that men can also be victims of sexual abuse, and it can be caused by other men and women as well. The same can be said about women sexually abusing other women. Yes, it is more common for any form of sexual abuse to occur to women by men, however, we cannot shame men who are victims of this as well. Abuse is abuse, and it can be traumatizing for any person. One bad thing that occurs is that because society has this ideal set that for men to be considered strong, they have to hide all of their emotions except for anger. Because of this, men are unable to come forward with their trauma due to fear of being maligned by society.
Domestic abuse is when a spousal partner is physically harmed and suppressed due to the relationship itself. Domestic abuse can also be mental as well as physical. It can be just as traumatizing and violating mentally as it can be physically. Most commonly, domestic abuse is done by the husband to their wife. While this is more common, this does not mean that a wife abusing their husband is also not possible. While we focus on the common, we also cannot disregard the uncommon. Doing so is unjust for those victims who are unable to come forward due to the fear of being maligned by society. When a spouse is abused by their partner, they lose confidence in themselves in maintaining the relationship. They become shackled by the same relationship where they had expected to be treated equally. The trauma that comes from being abused by your own life partner is in its own sense very traumatizing. As I said before, the abused spouse loses confidence in themselves in maintaining the relationship, and even being able to let go of the relationship. This second part usually occurs because the abused spouse is so traumatized that they were unable to make their partner happy, that they are afraid if they let go of this relationship and eventually enter another one, that history will eventually repeat itself because of a fault within themselves. This is why I say domestic abuse is mental as well as physical abuse. When a partner is harmed physically, it affects their mental health as well. I can keep going but now let's move on to the types of mental abuse that exist.
Mental abuse is when any form of external communication or event starts to affect a person's inner feelings and their core thinking. Mental abuse is not as talked about because we fail to recognize the types of mental abuse that exist.
Gaslighting is one example of mental abuse. The dictionary definition of gaslighting is to manipulate someone using psychological experiences and methods into questioning their own sanity and ability to reason. Essentially, this means that when someone tries to gaslight you, they try to instigate you into questioning your own thinking, sanity, and your reasons for anything you may say or do. Let's take the example from thetherapygroup.com:
For example, you may attempt to discuss something that they said or did that hurt you, and they outright deny that they ever said or did such thing. They can convince you that you have misinterpreted or remembered something incorrectly, or even that you caused your own hurt, until you start to question your own truth.
What some people fail to realize is that while in the above example, gaslighting is fairly obvious, for many cases, gaslighting can be so subtle that it's hard to realize when it's happening and when it has left its effect on a person.
In its most extreme scenarios, it can convince you that your partner is abusing you because of how much they love you, or because of how terrible of a person you are. Only they can love you this much -- (Kaitlyn Peabody, 2021)
Another form of mental abuse comes in the form of blackmailing/guilt-tripping. This is when the abuser tries to either guilt you or blackmail you by using emotional connections and memories into behaving the way the abuser wants you to. When a person is guilt-tripped, that person feels guilty for the boundaries they set to take care of themselves. Essentially, it means that any action you take to take care of yourself or someone you wish to take care of over another will make you feel guilty for doing so. As if it is selfish to take care of yourself as a person, or of someone you care enough to do the same for. Again, from thetherapygroup.com:
Guilt-trips make us feel guilty for setting and maintaining our boundaries. It’s basically asking for consent to cross or violate the boundaries that you set to protect yourself, because remember this: boundaries are meant to protect you, not hurt them. But the people who benefit from you not setting or maintaining your boundaries are usually the first and only ones to have problems with your boundaries. -- (Kaitlyn Peabody,2021)
This leaves such a long-lasting impact on your mind because you start questioning every single step you take in trying to please others in your life. You consistently self-doubt yourself as a result of accumulative guilt-tripping and blackmail, and you are unable to be sure of your decisions because you worry that someone will be hurt as a result.
There are even more forms of mental abuse that exist in the world. There's body-shaming when a victim is consistently taunted over how their body and outward appearance looks. This can ruin the victim's confidence entirely in being able to handle the world. There's verbal abuse, where when a person is consistently criticized and insulted by using inappropriate language, swearing, and a large number of insults. I can keep going but I think you get the idea.
As I've stated earlier, domestic abuse and sexual abuse can be both mental and physical abuse. I've explained the physical aspect of it, but now let us dive even deeper into the mental aspect of these situations. In domestic abuse, the abused spouse can be subjected to plenty of verbal abuse, guilt-tripping, body-shaming, gaslighting, and god knows who else. Due to them being subjected to this on a daily basis, along with also being physically abused in some cases, the abused spouse's victim can lose the confidence they once had in themselves, as well as be afraid to move on. They'll also be just as afraid to come forward about the abuse and would rather endure the abuse for their own reasons, be it society, family, kids, or anything else. The same can be said about sexual abuse. A person who is sexually abused will probably feel violated and traumatized because they were forced into the situation by the abuser. And dependent on what the abuser does after the crime, whether it scares them into submission, threatens them by any means, or even takes dives advantage of the crime and dives deeper into it, like for example taking pictures of the person violated without their consent to continuously traumatize and hurt them, this leaves a long-lasting scar on the victim. And because of the stigmatization that comes from society when a person comes forward, other victims might feel just as afraid to come forward and would rather stay quiet and/or continue to endure.
What needs to change is how society handles abuse victims when they come forward. For so long, because of the fear of what an abuser might do if they're exposed, or of how the world around them may treat them after they reveal the truth, victims of abuse are afraid to come forward as a result. If you take a look into the past, whenever someone who has been a victim of abuse came forward, they were ostracized as a result. Even in today's world, when a victim of sexual abuse comes forward, in many societies, rather than the abuser, the victim is ostracized and gaslighted into believing the fault was in them, not the abuser. The fear of society, and of how our family and friends react to society, is a major stop-gap in aiding victims to come forward. This needs to change.
Rather than feeling pity for the victims, we should encourage them to move forward and treat them like warriors. Because the fact is, to endure what these victims have, and still continue to rebuild your life and attempt to move on, requires a great deal of strength that not many people possess. They are SURVIVORS, NOT VICTIMS.
We as the public, however, need to be aware and recognize when someone is a victim of abuse. We may choose to ignore it because we don't want to involve ourselves in another person's problem. We may unintentionally ignore it because the abused behaves as if nothing is different. This needs to change. If we sense someone is being abused, we need to learn to be aware. If they are unable to speak with us about it or are not ready to speak about it, rather than leaving them be, we should encourage them to be open with someone they are close to, or let them know they have a shoulder they can lean on whenever they are ready to speak about it. Asking once and then leaving them to fend for themselves without ever asking again is just another way to excuse ourselves from getting involved. Sometimes, just knowing that there is someone you can speak to can be a far greater relief than anything else for a victim of abuse. Be willing to be that shoulder for that victim. Victims are only victims as long as they continue to let themselves be subjected to that same abuse over and over again. They become survivors when they are able to come forward and move on with their lives, not letting the past abuse define them entirely.
If you do not want to be that shoulder for a person, there are hotlines you can call to report someone and get them help. If a person is a victim of domestic abuse, you can call 1800-799-7233 for the National Domestic Violence Hotline. If it is a child who is being abused, you can call the National Child Abuse Hotline at 1-800-4-A-CHILD (1-800-422-4453). One google search can provide you with a hotline number or an online portal to connect to get a person the help they need to get out of their situation.
It's easy to post something online saying you're against this type of abuse or you are standing with someone. But be aware of your own surroundings, because someone in your own neighborhood can be a victim of abuse, and you may be ignoring it. Whether it's because you've decided that "it's not my problem", or "someone help will handle it", if you choose to ignore it, you are just as complicit in the suffering of the person as anybody else. Learn to recognize the signs of abuse, and be there for the person who is a victim of it as well. By "wiping your hands off the matter", you are ignoring that person's pain. But confronting them right off the bat is also not the best way to go. Because that can result in the person being flustered or too afraid to come forward at the time. Again, as I have stated before, be open and there for the person being a victim of the abuse. Be patient with them, and encourage them by building their confidence. Only when they have the confidence and strength to come forward, will they be able to move on in life. But this can only be possible when we stop behaving like bystanders and start behaving like friends.
Abuse is one of the most effective, and traumatizing experiences that any person can go through. Due to the taboo that comes with opening up about the abuse, it becomes difficult for many, many people to actually come forward and open up about it. We as a public, and as human beings need to change this by changing the way we see victims of abuse and ignoring their problems. By providing a shoulder for those abused to lean on, and giving them the courage and strength they need by boosting their confidence and morale. By doing this, we can change the fates of many, and hopefully, put an end to abuse once and for all. Because by enduring abuse, a person's mental and physical health can be so affected, that a person may commit suicide as a result. If we change how we handle seeing someone being abused, both personally and as a society, we can change the way the survivor sees themselves in that situation. And if we change the survivor's thinking, we can encourage them to come forward and end their suffering once and for all. If we change each and every survivor's thinking in our society, then soon enough, we might just be able to end abuse being a norm permanently. But this has to start with us as individuals, then as a society, and then as a population.
I started this page to give each and every victim of abuse a platform to come forward without the fear of what society may say or do, what the abuser may say or do, or how they will move forward in the future. I keep the victims anonymous and expose the abusers to the whole world. However, if a person supports the abuser, just out of obligation or relationship, they are complicit in the victim's suffering. THIS NEEDS TO CHANGE! When an abuser is exposed, we need to encourage everyone to stand with the victim, not the abuser. I will continue to expose anybody who is abusing people, and I will continue to stand with the victims. All I ask is that if you cannot support the victim, then at least don't support the abuser in every step they take in trying to coerce the victim into standing down. Real change will only occur if people are willing to be open to change and learn from the mistakes of our past.
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